Top Ten Signs “We’re Not in Kansas (or Texas) Anymore, Toto”
10. My verbal language has been reduced to monosyllables, incomplete sentences, and a lot of charade-type actions.
9. My life is a treasure hunt. (Common questions of mine include, Have you ever seen Velveeta cheese in Asia? Where can one buy taper candles? In a city with no porches or yards, where could I find lawn chairs? etc.) Searching for movies in the video store is also a daunting quest: they are organized by the first letter of the leading actor’s first name.
8. My skin dries out when the humidity drops below 90%.
7. Often, the only knowledge people here have of Texas comes from the show “Dallas” and our cowboy-hat-wearing U.S. President. (Forget trying to explain those Texas-shaped tortilla chips!)
6. My shoes wear out faster than my car tires ever did.
5. I recently found myself sitting next to a Buddhist monk in full regalia (saffron-colored robe, shaved head) on an amusement park ride.
4. The feeding of birds is punishable by fine (thanks to the threat of avian flu).
3. I’m finally learning to think in Celsius, rather than Fahrenheit, though meters are still foreign to me.
2. Local yearly income tax forms take less than 10 minutes to prepare and mail.
1. It’s an almost-daily occurrence to encounter people who have never heard of Jesus Christ or the gospel of his salvation.